After the Crisis—Dealing with Grief and Trauma
A mental-health crisis, suicide attempt, or overdose affects everyone in a family. Parents often feel fear, sadness, guilt, or anger. Youth may feel embarrassed, confused, or distant. Healing takes time—for both your child and for you.
It’s important to remember that recovery is not a single event but a process
that unfolds in small steps.
1. Emotional Recovery for Your Child
After a crisis, your child may act differently for a while. They might:
- Seem withdrawn or quiet.
- Feel angry, embarrassed, or hopeless.
- Avoid talking about what happened.
What can you do:
- Go slowly. Don’t expect instant improvement.
- Stay connected. Check in regularly without pressure or judgement.
- Be honest but gentle. Say, “I love you, and I’m glad you’re here.”
- Encourage healthy routines. Regular sleep, balanced meals, water, and movement help regulate mood.
- Keep up with appointments. Consistency builds trust and stability.
- Review and update the safety plan often, especially if circumstances change.
- Connect with peer supports. Ask about a Youth Support Specialist—a trained young adult who can walk beside your child in recovery.
Ways to take care of yourself:
- Recognize your own grief. It’s normal to feel loss even though your child survived.
- Give yourself permission to rest. Emotional healing takes energy.
- Ask for help. Let friends, family, or community members assist with meals, rides, or childcare.
- Talk to someone you trust. Consider a counselor, peer-support group, or spiritual leader.
- Set healthy boundaries. Supporting your child doesn’t mean sacrificing your own wellbeing.
If you ever feel hopeless or have thoughts of suicide yourself, call or text 988 for immediate, confidential help.
2. Emotional Care for Yourself
Parents and caregivers also need time and support to recover. You might experience:
- Exhaustion or trouble sleeping.
- Guilt or self-blame.
- Fear of “what if this happens again?”
- Conflict with your partner or co-parent.
3. Understanding Grief and Trauma
Grief isn’t only about death—it’s also about loss of safety, control, or the life you expected. Trauma happens when an event overwhelms your ability to cope.
Common reactions include:
- Feeling numb, anxious, or angry.
- Difficulty sleeping or concerning.
- Crying unexpectedly or concentrating.
- Physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or body aches.
These are normal reactions, not signs of weakness. With time and support, most people recover.
If trauma symptoms continue or worsen, contact a therapist trained in trauma recovery. Support groups and family therapy can also help you rebuild communication and trust.
4. Caring for the
Whole Family
Siblings and other relatives may also be grieving or frightened.
- Encourage open, age-appropriate conversations.
- Allow everyone to express feelings differently—some talk, others play or stay quiet.
- Keep routines as normal as possible.
- Make space for small moments of connection, laughter, and comfort.
5. Moving Forward
Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means learning to live with what happened while rebuilding hope. Try to notice small signs of progress—a smile, a conversation, a shared meal—and celebrate them.
You and your child don’t have to do this alone.
Oregon Family Support Network Parent Warmline: 833-732-4267 | www.reachoutoregon.org
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or Text 988 (24/7)
The Dougy Center (grief support): 866-775-5683 | www.dougy.org
Oregon Family Support Network (OFSN): 503-363-8068 | www.ofsn.org
FAQs
What if I don’t feel safe with my child? I feel embarrassed and like a bad parent, but they hurt me and I don’t know what else to do.
You are not a bad parent.
Feeling unsafe is a real and valid concern. You can:
- Ask for immediate help
- Call 988 for guidance
- Ask the hospital or crisis team about respite or higher levels of care
It is okay to say:
“I love my child, and I am not safe right now.”
Asking for help is a form of care.