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Rescue syndrome

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  • This topic has 3 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by StefW.
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  • #25609
    dw
    Moderator

    My daughter was in first grade when she started showing signs of anxiety. As she grew up, we got in the habit of “rescuing” her. For example, one time we quickly drove to take her home early from a birthday party after an anxious phone call. A few years later, a therapist told us our habit of “rescues” had hurt her ability to learn to handle anxious experiences, which was actually pretty heartbreaking for us to have contributed to her challenges. Do you parents ever get tempted to rescue your child?

    #25611
    StefW
    Participant

    Oh yes!! I am to a point I can align with the terminology of “helicopter mom” and always “rescued” Aj from the world because I always wanted him to feel safe in being in an environment where he couldn’t quite navigate being non verbal and such. This I can say came from trying to accommodate him to feel heard but I also realized that in the end, I didn’t allow him to speak sometimes with me always there to be on stand by to save and rescue him from tough stuff to learn to navigate and problem solve on his own. I am working on forgiveness of self in this realization a year ago or so… in Aj’s loving Max’s journey in a goofy movie and his constant telling his dad goofy “get your own life” lol So, now I take Aj’s communication as momma, let me do me and it’s okay haha. I realize that it is always done out of love and protection rather than wanting to cause more harm and one day our kiddos will come to appreciate having parents ready to rally and be in their corner but I, myself am trying to unlearn being a helicopter momma and letting my son navigate solo.. and ooooh my, it is hard lol. I totally feel this post. I am here for you to listen or share more back from my side… 🙂

    #26619
    dw
    Moderator

    I can relate! With my son who’s on autism spectrum, up until about 4th grade I used to fuss about him “fitting in” and I remember feeling like I used to just never wanted his feelings to be hurt so I wanted to coach him on things to say and not say. He was totally brilliant though, one day he said, really low key, ‘I’ve got this.’ He knew so much better than I did that he needed to be free and not closed in by advice that would help him be so-called normal. He was so, so smart and I finally learned I couldn’t and was never meant to get in the way of him being his true self.

    #26620
    StefW
    Participant

    I love that you recognized that he was telling you “I got this” 🙂

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