What Youth Want Parents and Caregivers to Know
The messages below come directly from young people across Oregon who have experienced mental-health crises and received care in emergency departments. Their words reflect what helped them most – and what they wish adults had understood
at the time.
Show Support, Not Judgment
“I didn’t do this for attention.”
Most youth who attempt suicide are trying to stop deep emotional pain. Avoid blame, guilt, or shame. Focus on understanding and healing.
“Let me know you love me no matter what.”
Unconditional love – especially during hard times – helps youth feel safe and hopeful.
“Don’t make me feel like I’m a problem.”
Remind your child that needing help is part of being human, not a failure.
Be Gentle and Honest
“Tell me what’s going to happen.”
Explain things clearly: who you’re talking to, what the next steps are, and what to expect. Surprises or confusion can make anxiety worse.
“If you can’t be in the room, find someone I trust who can.”
If you’re overwhelmed, ask a calm friend or family member to support your child. What matters most is that they feel safe and not alone.
Remember, Recovery Takes Time
Every youth who shared their story emphasized this:
Healing happens in stages. Some days will be harder than others. What matters most is feeling seen, supported, and believed.
Your patience and presence makes a lasting difference.
“I needed my parents to show me they loved me even with my mental health challenges, not just when I was doing well.”
Be Present and Listen
“Please listen to me. I need to feel heard, not fixed.”
Sometimes youth want to talk about what they feel – not be told what to do. Give your child time to share, even if it’s hard to hear. Stay calm, make eye contact, and avoid interrupting.
“Don’t get angry or panic.”
When parents stay calm, it helps youth feel safer and less ashamed. If you need to take a moment to breathe, say so, but stay nearby.
Respect My Privacy and Choices
“I might need to talk to doctors or nurses alone.”
Youth may share information privately that they aren’t ready to tell the family yet. This helps providers understand what’s really happening.
“Don’t talk about my crisis without asking me first.”
Privacy builds trust. Ask your child what they’re comfortable sharing with relatives, friends or teachers.
Include Me in Decisions
“Let me help make my plan.”
Youth feel empowered when they can help create their safety plan, choose coping tools, and participate in treatment decisions.
“Use simple words.”
Avoid medical jargon or long explanations. Ask if they understand what’s being discussed.
“Let me be part of conversations with my providers.”
Encourage your child to ask their own questions and speak for themselves whenever possible.
Help me Reconnect After the Crisis
“Give me time to adjust.”
Recovery is not instant. Let your child take small steps to return to normal activities at their own pace.
“Support me without smothering me.”
Balance care with respect for independence. Checking in is good; hovering can increase stress.
“If you can’t support me, help me find someone who can.”
Sometimes youth connect better with a peer support specialist, mentor, or counselor. That’s okay – it still means they’re getting help.
Many people believe myths about suicide, mental health, or substance use that can make it harder for youth and families to get help. Understanding the facts can save lives.
Common Myths
MYTH: Talking about suicide makes it more likely to happen.
FACT: Asking someone directly if they are thinking about suicide can reduce the risk. It shows care, opens communication, and helps the person feel less alone. Avoiding the topic can make someone feel more isolated and hopeless.
MYTH: Once someone is suicidal, they’ll always feel that way.
FACT: Suicidal thoughts are often temporary. With treatment, support, and time, most people recover and go on to live meaningful lives. Interrupting the crisis and connecting to care are key steps toward healing.
MYTH: People who talk about suicide are just seeking attention.
FACT: Talking about suicide is a warning sign, not attention-seeking. It means the person is in real pain and looking for relief or understanding. Every mention of suicide should be taken seriously and followed with compassion and action.
MYTH: There’s nothing you can do to help someone using drugs or alcohol.
FACT: You can help by starting a caring, honest conversation. Substance use and suicide risk are closely linked, especially during withdrawal or early recovery. Express concern without judgment and offer support for treatment and recovery services. If opioids are involved, carry naloxone – it can reverse an overdose and save a life.
MYTH: Addiction to prescription drugs or alcohol is different from addiction to illegal drugs.
FACT: Addiction is a chronic medical condition – not a moral failing. Whether the substance is legal or illegal, the brain’s response is similar. Treatment, support, and connection – not punishment – lead to recovery.
MYTH: If a person suddenly seems better, the danger has passed.
FACT: A sudden lift in mood after a suicidal crisis can be a warning sign. The person may feel calmer because they’ve made a plan or decision to end their life. Continue to check in, use the safety plan, and keep supports in place for at least several months after a crisis.
If You’re Worried About Someone
You don’t have to handle it alone.
Call or text 988 – Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (24/7), free, confidential.
YouthLine (teen-to-teen) – 877-968-8491 | Text “teen2teen” to 839893
If it’s an immediate emergency, call 911 and tell responders it’s a mental health crisis.