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Vulnerable Moments from a Mama

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  • #25501
    Suzanne
    Participant

    I know I am not the only one who is raising a child who tends to be in her own world… but most days it feels like it.
    I still remember the day finding out I was pregnant with B and being absolutely terrified. I was already raising two children who each experience their own challenges and I knew deep down I couldn’t “handle” a third as I sat there hoping and praying this child would come out “Easy”. Boy was I wrong!

    Today B is 8 years old and each of her “quirks” are becoming more and more noticeable and challenging and I am at a loss…. I am talking behaviorally, emotionally, developmentally and socially and it is taking a toll on our whole family….

    Does anyone have any tips/advice how (until we can dive deeper and get a better understanding on what is all happening with her) I can explain or get my older two to understand a bit better on what is all happening??? Maybe a way to calm a bit of the storm, because my older two just can’t see past the behaviors, emotional reactions etc… and I am at a complete loss myself….

    #25503
    Modmom78
    Participant

    B sounds like an extraordinary girl. I have a few children like that. One is an adult, 22, and one is 15. The older one helped prepare me for the younger one. Number one thing I had to do was unlearn any ideas I had about raising humans. What I thought it would be like and who I thought they would be. This is not easy. From who I imagined they were as they grew in my belly to every step taken, word learned , and personality trait expressed. Not easy but so neccesary. I had to let them show me who they were and what they needed. Still do and still “unlearning” things. For each child I have to support them differently. At the end of each day , I know I want to show up supportive and with love. Many times, I have had to apologize and right wrongs that I have attributed to as well. But, one thing is for sure , parenting an exceptional child is not easy , but so very worth every moment.

    #25504
    Suzanne
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your kind words.
    She is amazing.
    I truly appreciate your experience and will be reminding myself of this daily!

    #25507
    JenCan
    Participant

    I really appreciate your willingness to share from a vulnerable space. The struggle is most definitely real. My neurodivergent daughter is now 12, and for us, things have gotten easier as her brain matures and develops. She still struggles immensely with organization and planning, but her emotional regulation has slowly but surely began to improve since puberty set in. As her “upstairs brain’ continues to develop she is able to be much more intentional now than when she was at 8. That subconscious lizard brain that drives bottom up behavior has become less and less in the forefront for her. I am neurodivergent myself and have learned a lot in therapy. Modeling self awareness and self compassion has been extremely helpful in getting her and her older brothers on board with seeing her through a different lens. Explaining to my middle son, who has never experienced these challenges himself, about sensory processing differences and how they can effect behavior has also been helpful. We have had many open conversations about the challenges he experiences, as he has two behaviorally complex siblings. His brother is 8 years older than him so he was born into the experience. I can imagine it is much harder when the youngest is introducing these challenges to the family. Isn’t it wild how different our children can all be? the best advise I can give is to keep leading with love and curiosity. and let us remember that well behaved women never make history!

    #25511
    Suzanne
    Participant

    Thank you so much for the kind words and sharing your personal experience. I truly appreciate it!
    It is amazing how different each one is, but in the end I am so thankful for that as well.

    #25513
    amanda
    Participant

    I would explain it like you did here. Just in a more kid friendly way you know what I mean? Explain that B has “quirks” just like everyone else just expresses them differently. That tolerance and patience is a good thing and to love their sibling regardless of condition. Let B know they are not alone and that this will be a family journey to explore together.

    #25515
    Suzanne
    Participant

    Thank you Amanda!!I may just do that !!!

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