The Quiet Power of Fathering Figures

When we talk about the people who shape a child’s life, fathering figures don’t always get the spotlight they deserve. Maybe it’s because so much of what they do happens quietly. The early morning drive to practice. The patient lesson on how to change a tire. The steady presence in the bleachers, at the kitchen table, in the hospital waiting room.

At Oregon Family Support Network, we see every day how much that presence matters, especially for children and youth navigating mental health, behavioral health, and other big challenges. And because June is Men’s Mental Health Month, this is also the right moment to say something we don’t say often enough: the well-being of the men who care for our kids matters too.

Fathering Figures Come in Many Forms

When we say “fathering figures,” we mean it broadly, because families come in every shape. A fathering figure might be a dad, a stepdad, or a foster or adoptive father. He might be a grandfather, an uncle, an older brother, a family friend, a coach, or a mentor. What matters isn’t the title. It’s the showing up.

For many of the families we walk alongside, the person filling that role wasn’t expecting to. Grandfathers raising grandchildren. Uncles stepping in during a hard season. Mentors who saw a young person who needed someone in their corner and decided to be that someone. These men are doing some of the most important work there is, often without recognition and often without support of their own.

Why It Matters for Youth Mental Health

Research consistently shows that children with engaged, caring fathering figures tend to have stronger emotional regulation, better outcomes in school, and greater resilience when life gets hard. But families don’t need a study to tell them what they already know: kids do better when they feel anchored by adults who love them.

For youth experiencing mental health challenges, that anchor can be everything. A fathering figure who listens without judgment, who says “I don’t fully understand what you’re going through, but I’m not going anywhere,” sends a message that no diagnosis or hard day can erase: You are worth showing up for.

Men’s Mental Health Matters, Too

Here’s something we say often at Oregon Family Support Network: you don’t have to do this perfectly. You just don’t have to do it alone.

Many fathering figures tell us they feel pressure to be the fixer, the strong one, the person with the plan. Many were raised to believe that struggling quietly is what strength looks like. The numbers tell a different story. Men are significantly less likely than women to seek mental health support, even as they carry stress, grief, depression, and anxiety of their own. And when a man is also caring for a child with significant mental health or behavioral health needs, that weight can grow heavy fast.

This Men’s Mental Health Month, we want to be clear: tending to your own mental health is not selfish, and it’s not a detour from caring for your kids. It’s part of it. Children learn how to handle hard feelings by watching the adults they love. When a fathering figure says “I’m having a rough time, and I’m talking to someone about it,” he’s teaching a lesson no lecture ever could.

Sitting with a young person in their hardest moments, even when you don’t know what to say, is not failure. It’s love in its most durable form. And reaching out for support of your own is that same love, turned inward.

How Oregon Family Support Network Can Help

Oregon Family Support Network is a family-led, peer-run organization, which means the people offering support here have lived it. Our staff are parents and caregivers who have navigated systems, sat in those waiting rooms, and felt those same worries. We offer peer support, education, and advocacy for families across Oregon, including the dads, grandpas, uncles, and mentors holding it all together.

If you’re a fathering figure supporting a child or youth with mental health or behavioral health needs, or if you’re carrying more than you’ve been letting on, we’d love to connect with you. Reach out to our parent warmline to learn about support groups, trainings, and one-on-one peer support in your community.

A Thank You

To every man who shows up for a child, in big ways and small, seen and unseen: thank you. Your presence is shaping a life. This month and every month, your mental health matters here too.